by Spencer Ackerman
If I may propose a solution to the problem of moving 9,000 fanatics out of Gaza:
Buy them tickets to the upcoming Hellfest, a three-day, 187-band punk
and hardcore extravaganza scheduled for the end of the month in the
Jew-friendly environs of New Jersey. Granted, there are some logistical
problems here. For one, the fest will commence at the end of next week,
a few days after the disengagement. For another, the ex-settlers might
have a problem with the tattoo exhibition. Finally, they're not going to take well to certain bands--namely, um, Ramallah.
But whatever. When it comes to the extremists who threaten violence
against the IDF for the retention of a sick fantasy, I'll quote the
great Jewish sage John Lee Hooker: it serves you right to suffer. Whether
or not metalcore can soothe the savage settler soul, Hellfest is
offering a true milestone in the rock history of the Jewish people: the
heretofore-inconceivable reunion of Lifetime on August 20. Being so
badly traveled, I still have no idea whether the New Brunswick-based
Lifetime is a regional delicacy. If so, it's a crime. What Jawbreaker
did for pop-punk--the exploration of manic depression by grafting
morose vocals to frenetic music--Lifetime did for pop-punk's more
heavily tattooed cousin, hardcore. Actually, that's a bit of a stretch:
Lifetime was emotionally complicated but not as depressed, and they
devoted their exuberant blend of hardcore largely to the question of
what makes love so frustrating. Should any of this be unclear, all
questions will be answered by the purchase of their classic 1995 album Hello Bastards,
which ranks as one of the greatest punk records of the 1990s. When
frontman Ari Katz bellowed, he left nary a dry undergarment among
Lifetime's many devotees, and I'd like to think that was at least
partly the result of his refusal to change his name to something less
Semitic but more conventionally punk rock. Talmudic debates rage today
about the relative merits of Lifetime's (excellent) follow-up, Jersey's Best Dancers. Their two-day breakup shows in early 1998 at New Brunswick's since-bulldozed Melody Bar are widely remembered as the saddest but most glorious days in New Jersey punk history. (They were packed to the rafters and, to my great regret, I didn't get in.) Their impact was tremendous, at least on the Northeast Corridor. Expectations for Kid Dynamite,
the next project for Lifetime guitarist Dan Yemin (a doctor!), were
enormously high, and while I didn't get into them, I was clearly an
outlier. If you've heard of that god-awful group Saves The Day, it's
only because those weasels spent their early years blatantly stealing
every trick on Hello Bastards and performing them with
a fraction of the intensity. So great was the enthusiasm for Lifetime
that STD built a loyal (if deluded) following. Yet
a reunion has been a hope beyond hope. The band's unfortunate implosion
was accepted, albeit bitterly, as final. (Though a very funny practical
joke was played here.)
After all, the kids still had two classic LPs, not to mention that
"Boy's No Good" seven-inch. (By the way, avoid their first disc, Background, like a ham-and-cheese sandwich.) However, according to their label,
the emocore juggernaut Jade Tree, and Hellfest's promoters, everything
changed when CBGB fell into mortal danger, spurring a reactivated
Lifetime into taking the stage for a benefit. Even more menschy, Lifetime is also foregoing the proceeds of their show to benefit a New Brunswick
immigrant-labor foundation, a greyhound rescue association, a
gay-rights organization and an environmental group. You can see how big
an event Lifetime's reunion is. Wherever you are, grab your friends,
organize travel plans, pay Hellfest the (sheesh) $100 they're asking,
and prepare for an experience almost as satisfying as watching Israel finally withdraw from Gaza. (You
may be wondering: Am I myself going to attend? It's doubtful -- look at
that ticket price. Though if a Hellfest promoter wanted to give me and
my New Brunswick-born-and-raised-and-scenestery-girlfriend free
admission out of gratitude for this hefty plug, I wouldn't turn it
down.)