by Spencer Ackerman
On balance, you need to conclude that the
late-19th century intellectual architects of Zionism were vindicated.
It's true in some trivial sense that their contention that a Jewish
homeland would mean a future of safety for all of us didn't exactly pan
out. But come on: there was a holocaust in Europe, and it never could
have happened if there was, say, a contemporaneous Israeli Air Force.
End of argument. But Herzl, Ahad Ha'am, Hayyim Nahman Bialek and the
rest did get one thing wrong: the Jews can never be completely
self-reliant. No people can (though the Kurds seem to be the
exception). This is certainly not to be held against the early
Zionists, who can hardly be expected to have anticipated the age of
globalization. But it brings me to another unfortunate blindspot of
this website: we need to acknowledge the gentiles who have paved the
way for Jewish rock. Much as Yad Vashem devotes space for the Avenue of
the Righteous… actually, let's stop this analogy in its tracks. Celebrating
the achievements of the righteous gentiles of rock & roll is too
great a task for a mere blogger. So let's simply tip the kippah
to the contemporary good-for-the-Jews rock groups. Which brings me to
my girlfriend's former band, the Shemps. Did I mention they've just released a CD, on which she plays guitar? And that you--Jew boy--should buy it? The
Shemps' other guitarist, Squeaky, actually is himself a Tribesman.
Their singer's previous bands, Milhouse and Indecision, have in their
various iconographies flirted with Devil worship and a self-abnegating
Catholicism, so one could expect to find Judiasm in the middle ground
there. But perhaps their greatest contribution to the Jewish people
comes from their bassist, Bill, whose Greedy Bastard fanzine
was never hesitant to acknowledge Jewish punk rockers. Not that Bill
stopped there: if you can find a copy of his awe-inspiring wedding
video, you'll be taken on an unforgettably harrowing tour of the
seedy underbelly of Jewish and Italian ritualism. The bottom line: if
you like your garage rock raucous and you think live performances
should serve to hurl invective not at the band but at the audience, the
Shemps are your new favorite band. At
this point I should say that I owe an apology to Sue's replacement in
the Shemps. My behavior at your recent Greenpoint show with Lost Locker
Combo reflected poorly on me. Your sexuality is not in question, and is
not an appropriate subject for between-song commentary. I apologize
unreservedly and without qualification. And as long as we're talking about current good-for-the-Jews rockers, I want to linger a moment on Lost Locker Combo.
Did you check out their hot black-Irish glockenspiel player? Something
tells me she has herself quite a soft spot for the Jewish people.
What's more, my intuition suggests she also has quite an exquisite and
subtle literary sensibility. The Jews are only uplifted by gentiles
like her. See?
Jewish rock can coexist with its gentile counterpart and provide a
mutual benefit. It's in this manner we reconcile the enduring wisdom of
Zionism with the post-national future.