by Izzy Grinspan
The reasons to be
embarrassed that Kenny G is Jewish aren’t quite what you think they
are. Forget the sentimental nature of his sax playing, which does
a great job of making old people happy at weddings. Ignore the
geeky waterfall of curls, a look that was actually very cute on my
bunkmate Debbie Cohen back at Camp Timber Tops. No, what makes
Kenny G bad for the Jews isn’t his obvious lack of cool—it’s his lack
of shame. Of course, plenty of other musicians have fudged a
little on their way to selling records, but none except Kenny G behaved
so cravenly that veteran jazz guitarist Pat Metheny threatened to kick
his ass.
That threat
was prompted by G’s version of "What a Wonderful World." Yes,
that "What a Wonderful World"—the one made popular by Louis
Armstrong. First released in 1967, the song reached number one in
the United Kingdom the following year. It resurfaced as a U.S. hit in the 80s when it made a memorable appearance on the soundtrack to Good Morning, Vietnam.
"What a Wonderful World" is a euphoric little
number, a leisurely stroll through some very simple reasons to be
happy. The lyrics, by Bob Thiele and George David Weiss, are so basic
that they’re nearly clichés: "trees of green" and "skies of blue," the
way "how do you do" means "I love you"—even the rhymes are
simplistic. But when Satchmo sings them, in his unhurried,
gravelly way, you know he means every word.
Kenny G apparently thought so too, which is why he appropriated the entire vocal track for his 1999 album Classics in the Key of G.
On that record, his eleventh for Arista, the man born Kenny Gorelick
treacled his way through such standards as "The Look of Love" and "Girl
from Ipanema." The latter featured Bebel Gilberto, so "What a
Wonderful World" wasn’t the only track for which Kenny G needed outside
help—but Gilberto was consulted on the use of her voice. Armstrong had
no choice, since he’d been dead for years. The version of "Wonderful
World" on Key of G is basically the sound of a genius forced into a posthumous duet with a bozo.
Perhaps somebody should have explained to Kenny G
that Satchmo got it right the first time, or that it’d be tasteless to
splice a giant of the genre into the same tune as a hack. Nobody did.
So the job of spluttering outrage fell to Pat Methany. And that guy can
splutter.
Few feuds
have ever been quite as mismatched as Metheny vs. G. Pat Metheny
is a well-respected guitarist, the winner of 15 Grammies. He’s
played with Ornette Coleman, Herbie Hancock, and David Bowie. For
years, jazz musicians had been grumbling about Kenny G: His music, they
complained, was cloying and predictable, his melodies obvious and
banal. Moreover, his total lack of improvisation caused some to
wonder if what he did even counted as jazz. Going up against
Metheny, he didn’t stand a chance.
The beat-down started, as so many of these things
do, on a Polish television show for children. Explaining to the
kids why some people don’t like jazz, Metheny cited Kenny G, adding, "I
mean, there’s nothing more stupid than that. Let’s face it, that’s the
dumbest music there could ever possibly be in the history of human
beings."
He was just
getting warmed up. After the video clip began circulating around the
Internet, a fan wrote in to Metheny’s website asking him to
elaborate. The veteran guitarist responded by posting a furious,
foul-mouthed essay.
Among other things, Methany accused G of "[defiling]
the music of the man who is probably the greatest jazz musician that
has ever lived by spewing his lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy,
out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing all over one of
the great Louis’s tracks" and "[shitting] all over the graves" of
hardworking jazz musicians. He concluded by stating that Kenny G
had brought our culture to a new low, then he threatened to wrap his
guitar around Gorelick’s curly-locked head if he ever happened to run
into him.
Kenny
G didn’t even try to respond, despite the further provocation of crazed
Metheny fans posting obscene rants on his official website. And, as
there are no recorded incidences of Methany assaulting anyone with his
Fender, it’s safe to assume that he never made good on his
threats. The verbal chiding he gave Gorelick, however, will go
down in the annals of jazz as the most famous nonmusical riff of all
time.
At least
the story ends on a somewhat happy note: Kenny G donated all proceeds
from his "Wonderful" to a foundation supplying arts funding for at-risk
kids. Which is nice, of course. But it merely suggests that the
man had enough sense to forgo the profits of a calamity of his own
making.
Izzy Grinspan has been published in the Village Voice, the London Times, and the Philadelphia Weekly. She is in no way affiliated with Izzy Stradlin.