by Izzy Grinspan
Sharon Osbourne, we love you, and we wouldn’t want you to be anyone other than your feisty self. Weirdly enough, we also totally trust your judgment. On MTV’s reality competition “Battle for Ozzfest,”you conducted yourself with a dignity hitherto unknown in that medium, doling out wise decisions like some sort of Jewish British Greek goddess. So if you want to take on Iron Maiden, we’ll support you. (Well, I’ll support you—I haven’t really asked Kara. But writing in the second person makes me feel both safe and important, so I’m sticking with it.)
According to Sharon, the flap started when Iron Maiden’s singer, Bruce Dickinson, began making anti-Osbourne comments during his band’s sets on the Ozzfest tour. "Was Dickinson so naive to think that I was going to let him get away with talking s**t about my family night after night? I don't think he realizes who he's dealing with,” she said in a recent statement. So after a Maiden show last week, Sharon appeared on stage to chew Dickinson out, calling him a “prick.” She also took responsibility for several power outages during previous shows.
The Iron Maiden website reports that the band is keeping “a dignified silence”—two words not often heard in heavy metal. As of August 27, they’re off the tour. Meanwhile, over at petitiononline.com, some 4000 metal fans have signed a petition against Sharon. The petition itself doesn’t advise any course of action, although plenty of nasty suggestions show up among the signers.
Curiously, the Orange County Register review of the fateful show—which is listed on the Maiden website—had this to say: “During Mudvayne's set at Ozzfest on Saturday, lead singer Chad Grey exclaimed that Ozzfest was Christmas for his band and metal heads everywhere. Unfortunately, in the case of Iron Maiden, Scrooge was manning this ship.” So Sharon stole Christmas? Interesting choice of words, bro.
In other Osbourne news, Sharon’s helpmate and daughter were both on the Howard Stern show this morning, prompting a phone call from Jewish rock star Leslie West. The Mountain guitarist made fun of Ozzy’s incoherence and then told a fairly disgusting story about poop-flinging.